What makes us all happy is having a wonderful relationship with ourselves. What does that mean? Well you get to know everyone else in your life so why not yourself? Getting to know yourself. Does that sound weird? It’s not. If we don’t understand ourselves in a deeper more meaningful way then how on earth can we expect anyone else to understand us and value us and love us for all that we are? How many of you reading this are different with different groups of people? The social or work chameleon that changes colour to blend in with their surroundings. I used to be like that. When I had a big birthday party I would worry about how I could be who everyone expected of me as work and friends and loved ones were all to be in the same room. How crazy that seems to me now, now that I am me, the only me and I got to be that me by putting time and effort into my own understanding. I gave myself the opportunities to connect to myself, not in any complicated or complex way but in a basic, timeless and beautiful way where I listened to my thoughts and my beliefs about my life and started to address the things I felt uneasy about. I started to develop the spark of energy and passion and creativity within me. I started to listen to myself and workout who I was without the influence of anyone else. Through time out in Nature, through meditation and connection to something higher I began to piece together the real authentic Katherine Deamer.
Now is always the best time to take ownership of yourself and commit to living a life where you can thrive. Of course this all takes time and introspection and patience to get to know yourself better. It takes self care and positive self talk and dropping resistance to change to actually feel truly at peace, giving to yourself the encouragement and love that you would give to others. From now on you are your biggest focus and priority, and that’s good, not bad. Move your perception to one of self love and understanding. Nothing bad happens to you if you start to put your self first. We are not talking selfishness here, we’re not talking arrogance and thoughtlessness. It’s about finding where you feel best, where your passion for life lives, where your happiness is grown.
Of course it might not be easy to turn that Cruise Liner of your life to face a different direction but through perseverance, courage, desire and a will to take action where it’s needed you will learn to love who you really are and start to live the life you turned up for, the life you deserve. And before you decide that what you actually deserve isn’t much, because of your poor self image or lack of self esteem, I want you to know that you deserve the best; the best life, the best relationships, the best future. You are a part of the whole that is equally as important as every other part. So no more limiting yourself, no more disappointment in yourself because disappointment and expectation is keeping you in the old worn out patterns that have not helped you to get where you desire to be.
And so you will begin to see that you have full power to transform whatever needs to transform in your life. There is nothing stopping you but you, and as you see who you are and all of your great potential and start to care for and love yourself more, you will be leaving fear behind and feeling empowered and hopeful. It is important to understand that Fear holds doubt, confusion, depression & anxiety whereas Love holds hope, faith, belief and trust. If we don’t have this self love then we are fearful and we look to others to fill that gap. But I want you to know that that gap is actually ‘you’ shaped. There is no one that can make us happy. The truth is that if we are without love for ourselves then we can’t be truly happy. You have to love yourself fiercely without conditions and most importantly without ego. For the ego criticises us, it holds us down and it makes us boast and preen and try so hard to get the validation from others that we so desperately need to make us feel appreciated and vital. Only self love can eliminate the fear of failing, or not being good enough, or successful enough, or rich enough, or beautiful/ handsome enough. For when you fear life as yourself, then you fear living bigger and brighter, and your path ahead is immediately blocked.
So what blocks us? Competition and comparison are fear based and block us. Society today is full to bursting with people trying to out-do each other in every way. We can search for the life that we see portrayed all over social media and colleagues and friends lives seem so much more successful than ours. But the real question is what is success? Success is true happiness and true happiness is an inside job. So it’s back to basics we go….who are YOU? What makes you feel the freedom you desire to be everything that you really are? To find out we must Love ourselves back to emotional health knowing that a journey to you cannot be rushed. Get into creative energy, vision your desired life, see it, feel it is already here and take the appropriate actions to bring it into reality. Focus only on the good, don’t focus on what’s not, focus on what can be. Consciously open your heart to allow more love into your life. Living in the present moment. Mindfully, where everything is in your control, no overthinking because that will destroy your peace. Making sure that you keep that light inside you burning brightly because you will need it to illuminate your path to that better life that you are creating.
Stay focussed, determined, committed to yourself and enjoy the journey because everything is in the journey, everything moves forward, there is no destination, you will keep learning and living and developing. And because you’re understanding more and more about you on this journey then you will never have to be what’s expected of you because just being you is perfection. We are all so good at self criticism and feeling guilty and shovelling blame and shame onto our own heads but it’s time to stop that practice. Catch it as it becomes a thought and let it disappear giving your mind a much more positive alternative thought. As you accept yourself as you are now, your past, old self criticism and judgement, envy and any sense of lack then you are opening up to being happy. Being who you are and also dropping criticism of others to allow them to be who they are too. Remember that we give out what we receive and our thoughts become reality so think positively. This takes time and persistence but it will become a healthy and happy habit if you stay alert to it.
As you begin to deepen your understanding and relationship with yourself you will begin to see a change in all of your relationships. Maybe some people will start to walk away, maybe you will walk away from some people but they will be the people that don’t fit into your new life where you are being all that you are. And when it comes to relationships keep in mind that everything you want in any relationship you must mirror in yourself because like attracts like. Now you will want to act with integrity and clarity. You will want to stay true to yourself and your values and find peace and balance and freedom from the old you that was holding you back in so many ways.
So drop any guilt from the past that you are carrying and believe that you have the opportunity to change and grow and soar in so many ways from now on. This requires you to break out of your comfort zone, the one that is keeping you safe inside a box that you do not want to remain in. Breaking free takes courage but this is just one small step, it may feel like a gigantic leap of faith but you know, deep down, that you desire this change and if everything stays the same then everything stays the same. It’s time to take the fear out of the unknown by broadening your sense of self, gradually becoming the you that you want to be.
Remember that negativity and doubt snowballs, starts an avalanche of damaging thoughts that you can recognise and stop as they arrive so make a commitment to know all is well. Know it again. Know it again. Know it again. Listen to your heart not your ego. Surround yourself with people that support your journey not sabotage it. No conflict, chaos or confusion as you become clearer on your boundaries and more discerning in your life about what you will let into it to start to create the perfect journey for you to get where you want to be. Find the true spirit of you, be authentic, be real. What stirs creativity and interest in you? What are you passionate about? What really truly makes you happy and makes you feel alive? You are deserving of a good life, a great life, and understanding what sparks your passion for life will help you so much towards being your own guide and teacher and best friend. Don’t placate others, be yourself. Don’t put yourself last on the list of priorities, be yourself. Don’t mould and bend and contort yourself to swim with the other fish, be yourself. You are NOT your past story. Don’t be afraid to be yourself and bring all of your uniqueness to the table, to the banquet of living. Connect with good feelings and know that none of us are perfect but we are perfect in our uniqueness.